Alas, school is out and summer is upon us!  So, the kids are out of the hallways and all of us teachers are free as little tired birds, at least for a couple of months.  I have gone all year without serious back pain and it's amazing how it is now bothering me now that my work is complete for the year.  Why is it that my brain tells my shoulder muscles to knot-up and torture me?  Those little cells are probably like, "okay folks, let's do this! On your mark, get set, fire off neurological impulses to back muscles and nerves!" Luckily, one of my precious little 6th graders gave me a gift certificate for a 30 minute massage at the dayspa.  Smart kid. So, yesterday I took complete advantage of this.  And what did the masseuse notice but that I had tension in my back and shoulders.  It is amazing what a good massage can do.  I left feeling relaxed and ready to take on the world.  It's a good thing another student gave me and the band director (who gladly donated his to me) gift certificates for even more luxurious treatment.  I will definitely be taking advantage.

It's all in the timing...

 Father Time, obviously, is not on my side lately.  Take yesterday, for example.  One of my best friends' little brother was getting married and it was time to get ready for the ceremony.  Things were running on schedule until I decided a nap would be nice.  So there I was, snoozing away...and then it was 20 minutes until the wedding.  Not to mention, it would take at least 10 minutes to get there.  Oh, and I still had a towel on my head, wet hair, and no make-up.  I somehow managed to get ready and make it on time.  Well, almost on time.  


One of my star students had their senior recital today and I was excited about being the model teacher- on time, sitting on the front row, gift and card in hand.  You know who wasn't excited?  The truck that I had to follow the entire way to Tifton, that's who. 


Let's not even mention the past four months and how challenging they have been.  I'll save that for the personal journal.  


You know what time does to bar-b-que?  Well, I found that out today while I was cleaning out my car.  I have been looking for my medium Tupperware bowl for a couple of months and was happy to find it under my passenger seat.  That is, until I opened it up to clean the mummified bar-b-que out of it.  It smelled like something had crawled from the bowels of Big Foot and died in there. Hot mess.

So, here's to hoping time will start being on my side. 

 

Random Thoughts....

Oreos are not a social cookie.  This was a serious topic of discussion between intellectuals during honors night, last night.  You know how you shouldn't eat spaghetti on a first date?  Well, save the oreos for when you're alone, as well. 

As I was driving home last night, the person driving ahead of me flicked their cigarette out of their window.  Still burning.  Am I the only person bothered by this?  I don't want the undercarriage of my car to engulf flaming embers!  Maybe I'm just paranoid, but still.  It just seems rude.  Besides, smoking is so 1997 anyway right? 

What is the purpose of mice?  All they do is stink up my office and poop all over my desk and books.  I'm so over them.  When I walked into my office, yesterday, a mouse ran to safety.  Well, I say "ran".  He was so fat that he looked like his belly was dragging on the ground and he was waddling.  I swept about 2 cups (though, I didn't take the time to accurately measure) of rat poop out of my room yesterday.  Yuck!  This has to be an unhealthy environment.  I will not be satisfied until all mice are dead and I disinfect my entire classroom and office with bleach and then go over it with some green works and oust.

Drive-through grocery stores?  Think about it.  It's genius and we need one.  Here's how it works:  you can buy up to 20 items.  You choose your items from the store's website ahead of time and go ahead and pay with your debit or credit card, print out the receipt, drive up to the window, and pick up your order.  I mean, I think I have an idea here.  Also, you would save money.  Let me explain.  What happens when you go to the grocery store or Wal-Mart to pick up "a few things"?  I know what happens to me.  My list goes to the wayside and I see all sorts of things I think I need.  Ooh, a Popsicle holder!  I totally need that.  Um, yeah, I can use a digital change counter.  That 100-pack of bean burritos looks yummy.  What was supposed to be a trip to pick up sliced cheese, toilet paper, bread, milk, and a pack of AA batteries has turned into a smorgasbord of unnecessary items.  Not only that, I've forgotten to even get the cheese and toilet paper!  And everybody knows those are necessities.  This is discovered later, of course, while unbagging the purchased treasures.  So, what will I have to do?  Use a quarter tank of $4/gallon gas to run back to the store to pick up the cheese and toilet paper, thus starting the process once more.  I would use a drive-through grocery store.  In fact, I rather need one.

Who's the man?

I read an interesting article the other day about manimony and it totally got me thinking: what the heck have we gotten ourselves into?  Yes, we've made leaps and bounds, we can vote, we've burned our bras...now, we have to pay manimony.  For those of you unfamiliar with the "term", manimony is money that the wife must pay to support the husband after a divorce when the husband makes less money than the wife...now, I can't help but to think about how society molds us into who we are and how, these days, the signals are really mixed up.  If you're a little girl, you're dressed in frilly little outfits and huge bows are plopped on your head.  Little girls have parties at the spa and sip sparkling cider.  Little boys are dressed in athletic apparel and encouraged to kill animals with whatever resources they have, and, if you live in the south, drive a tractor or a race car or some other form of dangerous automobile.  So, in our (and our children's) early years we're given this signal:  girls, sit pretty while the guys are rough and tough and provide for us.  However, as we grow older, we're told:  be tough, be prepared to take care of yourself and be a strong woman, you don't need a man.  So, I'm guessing most of us (at least I know I do) try to find balance in all of this chaos.  So, I'm going to wear pink every now and again, spritz on some body spray, own a substantial amount of high heels while I also raise the kids, clean, cook and, at the same time, I'll race to the top as a strong-minded, success-driven, hard-working provider.  So, what have we become, girls?  We've become the man AND the woman.  Don't get me wrong, please.  I take great pride in and enjoy the comfort of knowing that I am fully capable of taking care of myself and my offspring.  And I am very thankful that I was encouraged, early on, to be able to take care of myself if I had to...But let's get back to this manimony business.  Really, guys?  There are women out there that are working, taking care of the kids, running a household, AND paying their ex.  I can't help but wonder if the women of the olden days (and some of the trophy wives of today) were smarter, in some ways.  I mean, I've never hear of women of the 1950's paying manimony.  Guys out there: don't worry, this isn't a "let's sit around and bash the boys" blog.  If you're on top of your game and aren't planning on being with a woman so that she can support you AND be an apron-wearing pin-up girl, you'll be ok.  However, if you are the opposite, heed my advice (or whatever else you want to call it):  If you want us to be the man AND the woman...well....what exactly do we need you for?

Let's solve this here economy problem

It's pretty obvious that if you leave the house these days, you will overhear someone talking about the economic crisis and how ridiculous it is that the president gets paid so much.  Now, I don't want to spark a controversial conversation, since politics have never been my thing (though I AM pretty darn good at always giving very non-direct answers when asked a question),but hear me out.  I think I have this so-called crisis figured out.  Okay, the more responsibilities you have, the more you get paid, right?  So, I'm going to give the office of the president a "pass" on this one.  I mean, being the leader of the free world seems like a pretty big responsibility.  However, if the president and  a few other politicians took, like, two furlough days that would be great...ok, I'm going to move on to the person that sparked my interest in such a blog.  Let's talk about Snooky and the Jersey Shore folks.  I keep reading all over facebook that she makes $100,000 per episode.  What the?!  Now, if this is true, something IS wrong with this picture.  Now, I enjoy watching these over-tanned, under-dressed bunch of hot messes just as much as the next person, but that is ridiculous.  My good friend, Trey, had a somewhat valid argument in that this will probably be the only shot they will ever have at making money and after the show is over, they will be over as well.  But, my thing is this: find a real job like the rest of us have to!  So, let's do this: Let's subtract at least $50,000 from each cast members' pay per episode.  Look a-there, we just hired a few teachers that may prevent children front doing flips while wearing no underwear on national television.  So, imagine all of the celebrities that make, like, $1 million per movie (don't get me wrong, I love watching great movies and know acting isn't the easiest thing to do)....couldn't we "furlough" them a few days?  Also, I was trying to enjoy a fashion magazine today and couldn't help but notice that there were a FEW things that seemed a little overpriced.  For example, there was a wallet chain that costs $2,000.  A silver wallet chain with some plastic beads on it.  Do people even still wear wallet chains?  And a simple cotton dress that was well over $1,500.  First of all, that dress used about two yards of fabric, which most likely was less than $15 per yard.  If the fabric was more than that, it was way overpriced, as well.  Yes, it was a cute dress, but....really?  I'm just saying, it seems like our pay pyramid is a little out of balance. 

Maybe It's OK to Live in a Cartoon World

I've been told, before, that I live in a so-called "cartoon world" for being overly optimistic and over-accepting of the fact that "every little thing's gonna be alright".  My response to that was, "Ok."  I mean, what IS wrong with that?  At least in my cartoon world, I'm happy.  After all, have you ever seen Bugs Bunny having a crap day?  Didn't think so.  He's just content hanging out in his rabbit hole eating carrots and aggravating the mess out of Elmer.  Seriously, that doesn't seem like a legit punk-out, telling someone they live in a cartoon world. I just feel like, as humans, people spend a little too much time making each other miserable and not accepting one another just the way they are.  I can't help it, but I have to encourage and appreciate Witty/silly/funny things that some of my high school kids do in the place of stressing out about unneeded drama.  For example, the other day a few kids drew diagrams of the songs that we are singing for our concert.  For "Bad Romance"  they drew two stick figures holding hands and one saying "this sucks". haha.  For "Hey Soul Sister", they drew two stick figures with one saying "hey" and the other one wearing a t-shirt that said "my name is Soul Sister".  They drew several more, but those stuck out the most.  I just hope that these kids don't run into people later in life that criticize them for enjoying the simple things in life like drawing silly stick figures.  Who am I kidding, though?  They probably already have.  Sorry, I just don't see anything wrong with trying to look on the bright side when things get tough.  One of my favorite teachers from college, Wayne Jones, asked me a great question one day when I was freaking out about memorizing one of my Italian pieces.  He said, "Joanie, settle down.  How do you eat an Elephant?"  Being a little too over analytical of the question, I thought "Is this a trick question?  Umm...well, first you should probably kill it in a humane way, get a professional to process the meat, properly cook it, and hope that it tastes like chicken..."  I'm sure he could tell that I was having a hard time with the question, so he simply said, "One bite at a time".  Brilliant.  Yeah, the "real world" (in quotations because the real world doesn't magically begin existing when we reach a certain age; it's always here) throws huge obstacles at us every day.  We just have to take everything one step at a time instead of being overwhelmed by the big picture.  So, if you ever see me mouthing the words "one bite at a time" when I should be freaking out, it's ok because I'm just going to jump into my cartoon world and handle the situation like I want to.  If I do freak out, well, I have probably maxed-out my cartoon world privileges for the week.  Anybody who doesn't approve, well, they can just deal with it by using your own process. 

What the world needs now....is another J-Lo movie

Nope, not "love, love, love", but another J-Lo movie.  I'm just saying.  Flipping through the channels and running across "Maid in Manhattan" made me realize this.  Don't know how I didn't sooner.  I couldn't help but to leave the channel on it- same as I do with a good Julia Roberts movie (but she's pretty up-to-date with Eat, Pray, Love so I'm satisfied for now).  Watching this movie really gives me hope that whimsical things can still happen..  Like, if I ever find myself being a single Mexican mother raised in the Bronx, I will still stand a chance with a handsome senator.  It could happen, right?  I just feel like it's time for a new feel-good movie from J-Lo, that's all.

I'm not sure why, but I feel like J-Lo could be one of my bff's.  Maybe it's because she made some hasty male-related decisions in the past.  Remember when she married that dancer?  He was cute wasn't he?...and didn't she marry some other guy and maybe even another?  I can't quite remember.  Anyway, she seems pretty normal in that sense.  Well, normally abnormal...Abnormally normal?... I can relate to that.  I mean, for real, though.  I could totally be friends with J-Lo.  Our kids could have playdates while we discuss our past failed relationships and spontaneously burst into song and dance while the room fans (which, of course, are programmed to automatically turn on when music begins) make our hair blow luxuriously.  This could totally happen.

Someone has a case of the Mondays

Have you ever had a case of the Mondays?  Ugh.  It's horrible.  I happen to be having a case of the Mondays (also known as Ugly Days) two days in a row.  Let's start with yesterday, shall we.  My little boy was supposed to have school pictures at his preschool, so I was quiet excited about getting him all shined up and ready to cheese for the camera.  What else does he have for breakfast but a waffle with syrup on it.  Of course, the syrup ended up all in his beautiful locks.  Super-speed bath time was in order.  Somehow, between the house and my car, I somehow managed to also get a mixture of dirt, dew, and grass on the front of my pants.  No worries.  After dropping my little one off at school, I managed to spill my drink down my shirt.  Uh, started to feel a little pathetic at this point.  When I arrived at my office what do I come across on my desk but a plethora of tiny mouse terds.  Now, I had enough.  So, I took a little trip to the dollar store to purchase disenfecting cleaner, paper towels, and mouse traps.  I spent the remainder of my planning period dousing down my office with disinfecting spray.  By the afternoon, I had an alarming case of the chills, cough, and headache.  Really?  Now, I'm just a little concerned that I may have the bubonic plague or something from all of those nasty mouse pellets.  Maybe a Z-pack can clear this up?? On top of feeling like poo and having to wear yet another ponytail, I got a nice phone call reminding me how I am responsible for other people acting crazy and people not doing their jobs.  Typical.  Also, I found out that their was a mix-up with the school picture dates, so I got all excited for nothing.  Our school nurse has explained to me that me being sick is probably being caused by my immune system being suppressed by me not releasing my emotional stress.  Awesome.  It's amazing how the mind has power over the body.  Even though this could be an entirely different blog post, I'm going to go ahead and get this out.  Anybody who knows me knows this:  it doesn't matter if you are a complete douchebag, I will not defend myself in fear of hurting someone's feelings or offending someone.  I know, it stinks and I wish I were different sometimes.  Therefore, if you are a douche, a creeper, a complete a-hole, or a crazy-maker (this is a real term, folks) please stay away from me because you will literally make me sick.  Spread the word if you are none of the above but know someone who is.  Whew, glad I got that out.  Sorry for the non-uplifting post. It happens.

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

First of all, let me say that I am pretty excited that I have followers, now.  However, I'm feeling a little anxious because I have to make sure I keep this blog thing up and keep it pretty impressive.  It kinda reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Spiderman, when that old guy says "with great power comes great responsibility"...or was it the grandmother that said that?  Either way, this is so true.  I mean, I am controlling what you are reading right now...at this very moment...and I have to be pretty responsible about it.  I mean, I could say that all of my followers must send me $500 each.  But, that wouldn't be very responsible, would it?  Unless you just want to...Anyway, speaking of power, a hurricane basically passed over our house last night.  Nature and all its glory is a beautiful thing, but lets face it, the timing really affected my REM cycle.  I was right in the middle of dreaming about random things like laser cats when mac-truck force winds and lightning woke me up.  Since my bed is right next to a window, I tried to come up with a plan B.  Plan B didn't work out since it consisted of sleeping in the hallway- real uncomfortable.  So, I moved on to plan C- crawling back in the bed and pulling the covers over my head and trying to go to sleep without my sound machine (since the power was out).  As much as I would have loved to stay up all night, I knew that I had to get some sleep since I have a performance tonight.  Responsibility.  Since a baby hurricane covered the state last night, students didn't have to come to school today.  Why?  No power.  No power=no responsibility!  However, all of us magnificent teachers had to show up.  Why?  We are the ones with the powers to mold young minds= uber loads of responsibility.  So, I now sit in front of my classroom window, typing and not doing responsible things like making copies, checking cds and mps...etc...Why?  Well, the power went out about 10 minutes ago.

The sweet joys of comfort

Today was a good day.  Why was it good?  Besides still having my luxurious rental car, I got to hang out with my boos and enjoy a good rehearsal and meal.  Also, we got to see Dr. Roe.  We love Dr. Roe quotes.  My favorite quote today, "Joanie I can tell you're happy right now because you're not chubby anymore...like when you dated that guy- I could tell you were unhappy because you got chubby."  Haha.  My bff Trey and I also rehearsed our duet for this Tuesday's concert.  It's really comforting to be around great friends, doing what you love. 

After rehearsing, we met up with Alana at Lowe's because that's where productive people hang out.  There's just something comforting about walking through isles of refridgerators and ambient lighting options.  Oh, and who could forget about looking at paint samples and checking for 'oops paint'? 

After Lowe's, we had to visit Wal-Mart and rummage through the $5 movie bin.  Guess what I found!.."The Neverending Story" and "Interview With The Vampire"!  How exciting is that!?  Nothing takes me back to my childhood like a huge flying dog and smoking hot vampires.  Sweet comfort.

Of course, anytime we meet up back home, we have to take a trip to eat.  So, Chili's it was.  As usual, I browsed the menu over and over again even though everyone there knew I would get the Triple Play as I always do.  After contemplating steak, shrimp, fajitas, salad, and sandwiches, I did what everyone expected- I ordered the Triple Play.  Comfort.

Do You Like Luxury?

I'm reminded of an SNL episode with Will Ferrel where he is wearing an eye patch and repeats the question, "do you like luxury?" throughout the entire skit.  Not my favorite skit, but that line seemed to stick in my head.  What reminded me of this?  My rental car.  Currently, my sporty mom-mobile (acadia) is in the shop because it sounded like a spaceship.  Even though spaceships are probably pretty luxurious- I mean, if they are technologically advanced enough to travel through space they would have to be, right- I had gotten tired of feeling like I would break the sound barrier at any given moment and end up on a planet full of pygmies that resemble Justin Bieber.  Anywho, the car place, being that it a luxurious car place, hooked me up with a nice black Buick SUV.  At first, I figured it wouldn't be much different than my ride.  Then, I drove it.  I don't know what it is, but I immediately felt just a little classier.  As I drove through town today, I felt like people were whispering to each other (don't know why they would have to whisper; I did have the windows up), "wow, look at that classy lady".  Maybe it's the wood grain steering wheel. Luxurious.  Perhaps it is the analog clock directly over the digital clock.  Nothing says luxury like an extra, somewhat unnecessary, clock.  Maybe it's the little video that magically appears on the rear view mirror when I put it in reverse and then magically disappears when I put it in drive.  When you are classy, you don't have to turn around to double check whether or not you are about to plow over a shopping cart.  Who knows.  Whatever the case, the car repair guys can take their time repairing my spaceship.  In the meantime, I'll continue to feel classy.

Napkins, please?

I hate to complain, but it seems to me that every time I have wheeled through the drive-through window at McDonald's in the past six years I haven't gotten a single napkin in my bag.  Now, I understand that people forget things like napkins sometimes.  But not getting a napkin in my bag for such a long stretch of time seems a bit suspicious.  This makes me ponder.  Do McDonalds managers go to an in-service conference every year and attend sessions on how to stretch out supplies?  Can't you just see Ronald leading a session?  I think it would go like this:

Thanks for joining us today, everyone.  And thank you for wearing your name tags.  Ok, I have prepared a PowerPoint for you guys if you would just take a look at the screen.  First point: Napkins.  Folks, we all like to use napkins when we eat.  However, due to the fact that we have put napkins on the self-serve counter next to the drinks and people are grabbing WAY too many napkins while dining in, we have to discontinue giving out napkins to our drive-through customers.  You may be saying to yourself right now, "but, Ronald, won't people notice that we haven't given them napkins?"  The answer is simple my fellow employees and it is this: no.  People are taking the drive-through option for one reason- they are in a hurry.  Therefore, they will be in a hurry to get out from in front of that second window and will not open there bag until they drive off and stop to wait for traffic.  Then, they will notice that they will have no napkins.  The beautiful part: they will be in such a hurry that they won't even turn around to ask for napkins.  Not our problem!  Afterall, with all of the napkins that they grab from our self-serve counter, they should have a stock pile in their dash compartments.

I think I have this figured out.

I'm too young to feel this old

So, Drill Team and Color guard tryouts kicked-off yesterday and yours truly is in charge of the making-upage of the routines as well as teaching.  So, I made up the routines during my planning and felt pretty good.  That afternoon, I was showing all those girls how it's supposed to be done.  "No, spin that humongous flag this way....lindy this way...kick this high..pas de bourree like this.." After practice I was thinking to myself, "dang, I still got it.  Look at me, I'm not even out of breath or hurting.  Nothing has fallen off." Today: different story.  My right shoulder feels like it is hanging on by a thread.  My calves are so sore that I'm pretty sure I looked like I had some serious walking issues.  Needless to say, I had some seniors helping me today and mostly suspiciously walked around. 

Change of subject but I have to bring it up.  For Christmas, the middle school administration gave us these really cute shirts that say "Don't Make Me Get Out My Red Pen" and I decided to wear mine today.  I went through the entire school day with a jacket on.  I didn't notice until my show choir kids pointed out that my jacket covered up all of the words except, of course, the words "make" and "out".  So, basically, I promoted making-out for an entire school day.  Classy.

Finally, I think I have next year's show choir show set!  Theme: Icon Status.  Envision this: we open with M.J.'s "Black or White", lead into Queen's "Killer Queen", slow it down with Aerosmith's "Angel", hype it back up with Outcast's "Hey Ya", keep up the energy with Brittney's "Toxic" or Lady Gaga's/Madonna's "Born this Way/Vogue" mash-up (only undecided one), and close with Usher's "More". Woooooot.  I'm gonna have fun choreographing those...that is, if I don't fall apart doing it.

The final word of the day.  "Whisper".  Could we all promote this?  Spread it like wildfire.  Teach it to the children of the world. 

What the heck does "normal" mean, anyway?

It seems, lately, that I find myself asking whether I'm normal or not.  After that, I ask, "what the heck does normal mean, anyway?"  My friend google says it means "conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural"...blah blah blah..I guess it all depends on where you are.  Like, around my boos, I seem pretty normal...you know who you are, "boos". haha.  I mean, I have something in common with them and can relate to them.  Other times, around non-boos, I'm like "holy cow...I just don't fit in here"  Then, I have to ask, "is it normal to ask whether or not you are normal?"  I couldn't be the only person wondering this, right?  You know, though, I'm not so sure I want to just "conform to the standard or the common type".  Where is the fun in that?  Anyway...

Anyone want to send me some money?...never hurts to ask, I guess...

Where do I even start?

Oh boy, where to begin?  First of all, blogging is therapeutic, right?  In that case, I shall try to keep this up.  First of all, shout out to all of the middle school teachers out there.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with tweens or teaching, in general, imagine this:  35 kids with raging hormones that cannot remain still or quiet for more than 2 seconds.  Also, middle schoolers find it necessary at all times to taunt one another.  Now, imagine trying to teach these kids how to stand on stage, perfectly still and quiet, until they sing two art songs, one of which is completely Latin.  Now, imagine scheduling a rehearsal in which half of them do not show up.  Welcome to my world.  Well, part of it.  Hats off to the parents who encourage these kids.  Whew.  Glad I got that off my chest.

Who's excited about tall vowels and crisp consonants?!..  Had to get that out just one more time.

Next thing.  Being an adult is hard.  It would be nice to scream at people that act crazy, but, really?  Could I really do that without being crazy, myself?  I think not.  Such is the world.  Thus, I will continue reminding myself that I am not crazy, it's just the people around me...except the sane ones.

Next.  Purchasing a home is hard.  I mean, I signed 38 pieces of paper today.  38 pages!  Holy..I'm just gonna make up a word because that is CRAZY.  Here we go with craziness, again...Holy bedonkadoo! 

The way I see it, everyone should just be nice to one another.  Seems elementary, huh?  Think about it, though.  How many problems would be prevented if people were just, plain and simple, courteous?  You know what I say at least once a day?  "Thanks."  That's right.  I'm not exaggerating or trying to be a do-gooder.  It just makes me feel better and, hopefully, it makes the person receiving it feel better, as well.  Also, no matter what, I try to smile as much as possible.  Again, not trying to be a do-gooder.  It just makes me feel better.  Call me silly.  I might just smile and say "thank you" in return.