Let's solve this here economy problem

It's pretty obvious that if you leave the house these days, you will overhear someone talking about the economic crisis and how ridiculous it is that the president gets paid so much.  Now, I don't want to spark a controversial conversation, since politics have never been my thing (though I AM pretty darn good at always giving very non-direct answers when asked a question),but hear me out.  I think I have this so-called crisis figured out.  Okay, the more responsibilities you have, the more you get paid, right?  So, I'm going to give the office of the president a "pass" on this one.  I mean, being the leader of the free world seems like a pretty big responsibility.  However, if the president and  a few other politicians took, like, two furlough days that would be great...ok, I'm going to move on to the person that sparked my interest in such a blog.  Let's talk about Snooky and the Jersey Shore folks.  I keep reading all over facebook that she makes $100,000 per episode.  What the?!  Now, if this is true, something IS wrong with this picture.  Now, I enjoy watching these over-tanned, under-dressed bunch of hot messes just as much as the next person, but that is ridiculous.  My good friend, Trey, had a somewhat valid argument in that this will probably be the only shot they will ever have at making money and after the show is over, they will be over as well.  But, my thing is this: find a real job like the rest of us have to!  So, let's do this: Let's subtract at least $50,000 from each cast members' pay per episode.  Look a-there, we just hired a few teachers that may prevent children front doing flips while wearing no underwear on national television.  So, imagine all of the celebrities that make, like, $1 million per movie (don't get me wrong, I love watching great movies and know acting isn't the easiest thing to do)....couldn't we "furlough" them a few days?  Also, I was trying to enjoy a fashion magazine today and couldn't help but notice that there were a FEW things that seemed a little overpriced.  For example, there was a wallet chain that costs $2,000.  A silver wallet chain with some plastic beads on it.  Do people even still wear wallet chains?  And a simple cotton dress that was well over $1,500.  First of all, that dress used about two yards of fabric, which most likely was less than $15 per yard.  If the fabric was more than that, it was way overpriced, as well.  Yes, it was a cute dress, but....really?  I'm just saying, it seems like our pay pyramid is a little out of balance. 

Maybe It's OK to Live in a Cartoon World

I've been told, before, that I live in a so-called "cartoon world" for being overly optimistic and over-accepting of the fact that "every little thing's gonna be alright".  My response to that was, "Ok."  I mean, what IS wrong with that?  At least in my cartoon world, I'm happy.  After all, have you ever seen Bugs Bunny having a crap day?  Didn't think so.  He's just content hanging out in his rabbit hole eating carrots and aggravating the mess out of Elmer.  Seriously, that doesn't seem like a legit punk-out, telling someone they live in a cartoon world. I just feel like, as humans, people spend a little too much time making each other miserable and not accepting one another just the way they are.  I can't help it, but I have to encourage and appreciate Witty/silly/funny things that some of my high school kids do in the place of stressing out about unneeded drama.  For example, the other day a few kids drew diagrams of the songs that we are singing for our concert.  For "Bad Romance"  they drew two stick figures holding hands and one saying "this sucks". haha.  For "Hey Soul Sister", they drew two stick figures with one saying "hey" and the other one wearing a t-shirt that said "my name is Soul Sister".  They drew several more, but those stuck out the most.  I just hope that these kids don't run into people later in life that criticize them for enjoying the simple things in life like drawing silly stick figures.  Who am I kidding, though?  They probably already have.  Sorry, I just don't see anything wrong with trying to look on the bright side when things get tough.  One of my favorite teachers from college, Wayne Jones, asked me a great question one day when I was freaking out about memorizing one of my Italian pieces.  He said, "Joanie, settle down.  How do you eat an Elephant?"  Being a little too over analytical of the question, I thought "Is this a trick question?  Umm...well, first you should probably kill it in a humane way, get a professional to process the meat, properly cook it, and hope that it tastes like chicken..."  I'm sure he could tell that I was having a hard time with the question, so he simply said, "One bite at a time".  Brilliant.  Yeah, the "real world" (in quotations because the real world doesn't magically begin existing when we reach a certain age; it's always here) throws huge obstacles at us every day.  We just have to take everything one step at a time instead of being overwhelmed by the big picture.  So, if you ever see me mouthing the words "one bite at a time" when I should be freaking out, it's ok because I'm just going to jump into my cartoon world and handle the situation like I want to.  If I do freak out, well, I have probably maxed-out my cartoon world privileges for the week.  Anybody who doesn't approve, well, they can just deal with it by using your own process. 

What the world needs now....is another J-Lo movie

Nope, not "love, love, love", but another J-Lo movie.  I'm just saying.  Flipping through the channels and running across "Maid in Manhattan" made me realize this.  Don't know how I didn't sooner.  I couldn't help but to leave the channel on it- same as I do with a good Julia Roberts movie (but she's pretty up-to-date with Eat, Pray, Love so I'm satisfied for now).  Watching this movie really gives me hope that whimsical things can still happen..  Like, if I ever find myself being a single Mexican mother raised in the Bronx, I will still stand a chance with a handsome senator.  It could happen, right?  I just feel like it's time for a new feel-good movie from J-Lo, that's all.

I'm not sure why, but I feel like J-Lo could be one of my bff's.  Maybe it's because she made some hasty male-related decisions in the past.  Remember when she married that dancer?  He was cute wasn't he?...and didn't she marry some other guy and maybe even another?  I can't quite remember.  Anyway, she seems pretty normal in that sense.  Well, normally abnormal...Abnormally normal?... I can relate to that.  I mean, for real, though.  I could totally be friends with J-Lo.  Our kids could have playdates while we discuss our past failed relationships and spontaneously burst into song and dance while the room fans (which, of course, are programmed to automatically turn on when music begins) make our hair blow luxuriously.  This could totally happen.

Someone has a case of the Mondays

Have you ever had a case of the Mondays?  Ugh.  It's horrible.  I happen to be having a case of the Mondays (also known as Ugly Days) two days in a row.  Let's start with yesterday, shall we.  My little boy was supposed to have school pictures at his preschool, so I was quiet excited about getting him all shined up and ready to cheese for the camera.  What else does he have for breakfast but a waffle with syrup on it.  Of course, the syrup ended up all in his beautiful locks.  Super-speed bath time was in order.  Somehow, between the house and my car, I somehow managed to also get a mixture of dirt, dew, and grass on the front of my pants.  No worries.  After dropping my little one off at school, I managed to spill my drink down my shirt.  Uh, started to feel a little pathetic at this point.  When I arrived at my office what do I come across on my desk but a plethora of tiny mouse terds.  Now, I had enough.  So, I took a little trip to the dollar store to purchase disenfecting cleaner, paper towels, and mouse traps.  I spent the remainder of my planning period dousing down my office with disinfecting spray.  By the afternoon, I had an alarming case of the chills, cough, and headache.  Really?  Now, I'm just a little concerned that I may have the bubonic plague or something from all of those nasty mouse pellets.  Maybe a Z-pack can clear this up?? On top of feeling like poo and having to wear yet another ponytail, I got a nice phone call reminding me how I am responsible for other people acting crazy and people not doing their jobs.  Typical.  Also, I found out that their was a mix-up with the school picture dates, so I got all excited for nothing.  Our school nurse has explained to me that me being sick is probably being caused by my immune system being suppressed by me not releasing my emotional stress.  Awesome.  It's amazing how the mind has power over the body.  Even though this could be an entirely different blog post, I'm going to go ahead and get this out.  Anybody who knows me knows this:  it doesn't matter if you are a complete douchebag, I will not defend myself in fear of hurting someone's feelings or offending someone.  I know, it stinks and I wish I were different sometimes.  Therefore, if you are a douche, a creeper, a complete a-hole, or a crazy-maker (this is a real term, folks) please stay away from me because you will literally make me sick.  Spread the word if you are none of the above but know someone who is.  Whew, glad I got that out.  Sorry for the non-uplifting post. It happens.

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

First of all, let me say that I am pretty excited that I have followers, now.  However, I'm feeling a little anxious because I have to make sure I keep this blog thing up and keep it pretty impressive.  It kinda reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Spiderman, when that old guy says "with great power comes great responsibility"...or was it the grandmother that said that?  Either way, this is so true.  I mean, I am controlling what you are reading right now...at this very moment...and I have to be pretty responsible about it.  I mean, I could say that all of my followers must send me $500 each.  But, that wouldn't be very responsible, would it?  Unless you just want to...Anyway, speaking of power, a hurricane basically passed over our house last night.  Nature and all its glory is a beautiful thing, but lets face it, the timing really affected my REM cycle.  I was right in the middle of dreaming about random things like laser cats when mac-truck force winds and lightning woke me up.  Since my bed is right next to a window, I tried to come up with a plan B.  Plan B didn't work out since it consisted of sleeping in the hallway- real uncomfortable.  So, I moved on to plan C- crawling back in the bed and pulling the covers over my head and trying to go to sleep without my sound machine (since the power was out).  As much as I would have loved to stay up all night, I knew that I had to get some sleep since I have a performance tonight.  Responsibility.  Since a baby hurricane covered the state last night, students didn't have to come to school today.  Why?  No power.  No power=no responsibility!  However, all of us magnificent teachers had to show up.  Why?  We are the ones with the powers to mold young minds= uber loads of responsibility.  So, I now sit in front of my classroom window, typing and not doing responsible things like making copies, checking cds and mps...etc...Why?  Well, the power went out about 10 minutes ago.

The sweet joys of comfort

Today was a good day.  Why was it good?  Besides still having my luxurious rental car, I got to hang out with my boos and enjoy a good rehearsal and meal.  Also, we got to see Dr. Roe.  We love Dr. Roe quotes.  My favorite quote today, "Joanie I can tell you're happy right now because you're not chubby anymore...like when you dated that guy- I could tell you were unhappy because you got chubby."  Haha.  My bff Trey and I also rehearsed our duet for this Tuesday's concert.  It's really comforting to be around great friends, doing what you love. 

After rehearsing, we met up with Alana at Lowe's because that's where productive people hang out.  There's just something comforting about walking through isles of refridgerators and ambient lighting options.  Oh, and who could forget about looking at paint samples and checking for 'oops paint'? 

After Lowe's, we had to visit Wal-Mart and rummage through the $5 movie bin.  Guess what I found!.."The Neverending Story" and "Interview With The Vampire"!  How exciting is that!?  Nothing takes me back to my childhood like a huge flying dog and smoking hot vampires.  Sweet comfort.

Of course, anytime we meet up back home, we have to take a trip to eat.  So, Chili's it was.  As usual, I browsed the menu over and over again even though everyone there knew I would get the Triple Play as I always do.  After contemplating steak, shrimp, fajitas, salad, and sandwiches, I did what everyone expected- I ordered the Triple Play.  Comfort.

Do You Like Luxury?

I'm reminded of an SNL episode with Will Ferrel where he is wearing an eye patch and repeats the question, "do you like luxury?" throughout the entire skit.  Not my favorite skit, but that line seemed to stick in my head.  What reminded me of this?  My rental car.  Currently, my sporty mom-mobile (acadia) is in the shop because it sounded like a spaceship.  Even though spaceships are probably pretty luxurious- I mean, if they are technologically advanced enough to travel through space they would have to be, right- I had gotten tired of feeling like I would break the sound barrier at any given moment and end up on a planet full of pygmies that resemble Justin Bieber.  Anywho, the car place, being that it a luxurious car place, hooked me up with a nice black Buick SUV.  At first, I figured it wouldn't be much different than my ride.  Then, I drove it.  I don't know what it is, but I immediately felt just a little classier.  As I drove through town today, I felt like people were whispering to each other (don't know why they would have to whisper; I did have the windows up), "wow, look at that classy lady".  Maybe it's the wood grain steering wheel. Luxurious.  Perhaps it is the analog clock directly over the digital clock.  Nothing says luxury like an extra, somewhat unnecessary, clock.  Maybe it's the little video that magically appears on the rear view mirror when I put it in reverse and then magically disappears when I put it in drive.  When you are classy, you don't have to turn around to double check whether or not you are about to plow over a shopping cart.  Who knows.  Whatever the case, the car repair guys can take their time repairing my spaceship.  In the meantime, I'll continue to feel classy.

Napkins, please?

I hate to complain, but it seems to me that every time I have wheeled through the drive-through window at McDonald's in the past six years I haven't gotten a single napkin in my bag.  Now, I understand that people forget things like napkins sometimes.  But not getting a napkin in my bag for such a long stretch of time seems a bit suspicious.  This makes me ponder.  Do McDonalds managers go to an in-service conference every year and attend sessions on how to stretch out supplies?  Can't you just see Ronald leading a session?  I think it would go like this:

Thanks for joining us today, everyone.  And thank you for wearing your name tags.  Ok, I have prepared a PowerPoint for you guys if you would just take a look at the screen.  First point: Napkins.  Folks, we all like to use napkins when we eat.  However, due to the fact that we have put napkins on the self-serve counter next to the drinks and people are grabbing WAY too many napkins while dining in, we have to discontinue giving out napkins to our drive-through customers.  You may be saying to yourself right now, "but, Ronald, won't people notice that we haven't given them napkins?"  The answer is simple my fellow employees and it is this: no.  People are taking the drive-through option for one reason- they are in a hurry.  Therefore, they will be in a hurry to get out from in front of that second window and will not open there bag until they drive off and stop to wait for traffic.  Then, they will notice that they will have no napkins.  The beautiful part: they will be in such a hurry that they won't even turn around to ask for napkins.  Not our problem!  Afterall, with all of the napkins that they grab from our self-serve counter, they should have a stock pile in their dash compartments.

I think I have this figured out.