This One's For the Girls!.....or Boys, too.....Whatever.

Wow.  Sometimes you just HAVE to say it. "Wow".  I had a "wow" moment today and many unanswered questions lingering in the back of my mind were answered.  I'm no genious, but there are a few things that I am certain of.  One: You should NOT wear lipgloss with your hair down on a windy day.  Two: Your education and beliefs can't be taken from you by any human being.  Three: relationships post-college are NOT easier or any less complicated.

I read, once, in an article that "if a man makes you cry once, like seriously cry, it will happen again".  Girls, I have found through trial and error, the hard way, that this is indeed true.  I'm telling you this but I know that, if you are a girl, you will not heed my advice and find this out by trial and error yourself.  Also, I read that if "the shear thought of [someone] makes you cry" that they are WRONG for you.  Trial and error. 

Are we ALL creatures of trial and error?  Is this the nature of our design and it's just an extra feature that makes a little bit tougher?

Be as it may that I have been a gal that has found a few things out the hard way and by trial and error, I'll help all you other ladies and gents out there by composing a list of..umm.. we'll call them guidlines.

JoJo's Guide to Surviving Everyday Life as a Chick and How to  Be a Guy Without Receiving a Roundhouse Kick to the Throat
~If something smells bad, go the opposite direction.  You can apply this to many situations. Discuss...
~If you call someone between the hours of 12:00am and 6:00am (First of all, if you're calling in between these hours you are probably
   suspicious of something) and the phone goes directly to voice mail, the phone isn't dead, hunny.  Move along.
~If he/she ONLY calls you between 12:00am and 6:00am, don't answer. Move along.
~If they cheat once, guess what, they'll cheat again. And again.  And again. 
~If a guy you've never met approaches you in WalMart and says, "oh, I thought you were Jennifer..", he is a skeezeball and will
  most likely move forward by sexually harrassing you.  You have two options after he says "Jennifer".  One: Scream, run, tell the
  fake security.  Two: Kick him in the crotch, run, tell the fake security.
~Guys, don't try that crap from the previous guideline.  You will now get one of those two options. 
~You will not pick up a quality future husband/wife at a bar.  Say it with me, "I will not pick up a quality future husband/wife at a bar".
~If you answer the door and he says, "are you wearing that?", close the door in his face, call up your girlfriends, and watch a movie.
~Boys.  Do NOT Ask Your Ex Girlfriend To Dress Up Really Nice And Help You Make Your Ex Pre-Them Girlfriend Jealous!  I hope
  they give you a roundhouse kick to the throat and tell you to go (blank) yourself if you do this.
~Girls.  Don't ever agree to that crap from the previous guideline. 
~Slow and steady wins the race.  Fast and furious= crash and burn.
~Boys. Don't ask your girlfriend to dance for your bros.  I don't care if she IS a dancer, be it ballet or for a basketball team or on a pole.  
  If you do, I hope she busts out your knee caps.
~If they treat you like arm candy, they'll throw you away one day for another flavor.
~Goals are important.  Have some.
~Communication is important. Communicate.  If you can't, move along.
~Walking on eggshells=bad. Move along.
~If you offer someone a cappacino and they respond by yelling at you.  Move along, they are a psycho.
~Don't be with someone if they want you to change who you are.  Furthermore, don't try to change the other person. 


This could go on and on...and on....however, these are the highpoints and hopefully some kneecaps will be spared because of this blog.

Back By Popular Demand!

Alright, I've had a few people in the past couple of weeks request that I update my blog with some new bloggery.  Well, my friends, ask and ye shall receive!  So, here goes:

Throughout the day, today, I pondered what I should write about...so many things...so much to talk about!  Ok, first,I feel as if I owe it to cult members, I mean loyal followers, to explain as to why I haven't been composing for their entertainment these past several months.  First of all, I haven't had internet at home for quite some time.  And, let's face it, I refuse to blog on my phone because I would definately suffer from some sort of finger/joint damage if I were to do that.  Plus, I have got to be the world's worst texter/phone keyboard typist.  Second, (even though the first explaination could certainly suffice) I feel like I'm more creative when I'm kinda down in the dumps and, there for a few months, I had kinda found a little niche in my new little self-sufficient, miss independent, settled-into- their-own world.  So, I know you're probably asking, "But, JoJo, why are you down in the dumps?"  Maybe "down in the dumps" is a strong phrase to use, but the ol' wheels in the noggin' have definately been turning lately.  What can I say, I've been on break for two weeks and if I'm not working, I'm over analyzing the crap out of all kinds of situations, rather they're real or completely theoretical.

Ok.  Now, a Sex and the City induced analyzation.  Let's talk about life's greatest joy.  Love.  A certain quote caught my ear while I was potatoed-out on Big Red (yeah, I named my couch..so?).  Carrie said, "how many great loves do you think you get in a lifetime?"  I don't know why, but I thought this was a great question and was kinda mad at myself for a hot second for not asking someone wise and intuitive the same question.  I mean, what qualifies as a "great love"?  Does it just have to be romantic love?  I mean, I don't think so.  I've heard people complain before that people just throw around the "L" word, making it useless.  Ok, ok, I can see where saying things like "I love carpet...I love lamp..." could diminish the meaning a little...Anyway, back on track..Ok, here are a few examples of what I think are Great Love moments: when you realize there HAS to be a higher power, holding hands with your college sweetheart in a public movie theater, trying to sneak a "first kiss", holding your newborn baby for the first time,  or simply accepting someone for exactly who they are. 

I know this may seem completely random, but I promise that what I’m about to bring up has a point.  I cut my finger on a piece of tin foil the other day.  One. Hundred. Times. Worse. Than. A. Paper. Cut…That seems like a pretty good metaphor for love, don’t you think.  Tin foil, that is.  Think about it.  When you find it, it just encircles you.  Sometimes, it’s the really good kind that’s strong and lasts a while.  Sometimes, it’s the cheap food lion brand that crumbles up really easily.  And sometimes it provides you with the worse pain you’ve ever experienced in the form of a tin foil style paper cut.

As I wrap this nonsense up, I’ll leave a few thoughts.  1)I’m not quite sure how people blogged before the internet (oh, wait, I think they actually wrote with pens and paper) 2)Sex and the City is a fairly good representation of the plethora of questions that people have about relationships with other members of the human race 3)You should have many Great Loves, whether they be spiritual, family oriented, friendly, romantic, or all the above!

Alas, school is out and summer is upon us!  So, the kids are out of the hallways and all of us teachers are free as little tired birds, at least for a couple of months.  I have gone all year without serious back pain and it's amazing how it is now bothering me now that my work is complete for the year.  Why is it that my brain tells my shoulder muscles to knot-up and torture me?  Those little cells are probably like, "okay folks, let's do this! On your mark, get set, fire off neurological impulses to back muscles and nerves!" Luckily, one of my precious little 6th graders gave me a gift certificate for a 30 minute massage at the dayspa.  Smart kid. So, yesterday I took complete advantage of this.  And what did the masseuse notice but that I had tension in my back and shoulders.  It is amazing what a good massage can do.  I left feeling relaxed and ready to take on the world.  It's a good thing another student gave me and the band director (who gladly donated his to me) gift certificates for even more luxurious treatment.  I will definitely be taking advantage.

It's all in the timing...

 Father Time, obviously, is not on my side lately.  Take yesterday, for example.  One of my best friends' little brother was getting married and it was time to get ready for the ceremony.  Things were running on schedule until I decided a nap would be nice.  So there I was, snoozing away...and then it was 20 minutes until the wedding.  Not to mention, it would take at least 10 minutes to get there.  Oh, and I still had a towel on my head, wet hair, and no make-up.  I somehow managed to get ready and make it on time.  Well, almost on time.  


One of my star students had their senior recital today and I was excited about being the model teacher- on time, sitting on the front row, gift and card in hand.  You know who wasn't excited?  The truck that I had to follow the entire way to Tifton, that's who. 


Let's not even mention the past four months and how challenging they have been.  I'll save that for the personal journal.  


You know what time does to bar-b-que?  Well, I found that out today while I was cleaning out my car.  I have been looking for my medium Tupperware bowl for a couple of months and was happy to find it under my passenger seat.  That is, until I opened it up to clean the mummified bar-b-que out of it.  It smelled like something had crawled from the bowels of Big Foot and died in there. Hot mess.

So, here's to hoping time will start being on my side. 

 

Random Thoughts....

Oreos are not a social cookie.  This was a serious topic of discussion between intellectuals during honors night, last night.  You know how you shouldn't eat spaghetti on a first date?  Well, save the oreos for when you're alone, as well. 

As I was driving home last night, the person driving ahead of me flicked their cigarette out of their window.  Still burning.  Am I the only person bothered by this?  I don't want the undercarriage of my car to engulf flaming embers!  Maybe I'm just paranoid, but still.  It just seems rude.  Besides, smoking is so 1997 anyway right? 

What is the purpose of mice?  All they do is stink up my office and poop all over my desk and books.  I'm so over them.  When I walked into my office, yesterday, a mouse ran to safety.  Well, I say "ran".  He was so fat that he looked like his belly was dragging on the ground and he was waddling.  I swept about 2 cups (though, I didn't take the time to accurately measure) of rat poop out of my room yesterday.  Yuck!  This has to be an unhealthy environment.  I will not be satisfied until all mice are dead and I disinfect my entire classroom and office with bleach and then go over it with some green works and oust.

Drive-through grocery stores?  Think about it.  It's genius and we need one.  Here's how it works:  you can buy up to 20 items.  You choose your items from the store's website ahead of time and go ahead and pay with your debit or credit card, print out the receipt, drive up to the window, and pick up your order.  I mean, I think I have an idea here.  Also, you would save money.  Let me explain.  What happens when you go to the grocery store or Wal-Mart to pick up "a few things"?  I know what happens to me.  My list goes to the wayside and I see all sorts of things I think I need.  Ooh, a Popsicle holder!  I totally need that.  Um, yeah, I can use a digital change counter.  That 100-pack of bean burritos looks yummy.  What was supposed to be a trip to pick up sliced cheese, toilet paper, bread, milk, and a pack of AA batteries has turned into a smorgasbord of unnecessary items.  Not only that, I've forgotten to even get the cheese and toilet paper!  And everybody knows those are necessities.  This is discovered later, of course, while unbagging the purchased treasures.  So, what will I have to do?  Use a quarter tank of $4/gallon gas to run back to the store to pick up the cheese and toilet paper, thus starting the process once more.  I would use a drive-through grocery store.  In fact, I rather need one.

Who's the man?

I read an interesting article the other day about manimony and it totally got me thinking: what the heck have we gotten ourselves into?  Yes, we've made leaps and bounds, we can vote, we've burned our bras...now, we have to pay manimony.  For those of you unfamiliar with the "term", manimony is money that the wife must pay to support the husband after a divorce when the husband makes less money than the wife...now, I can't help but to think about how society molds us into who we are and how, these days, the signals are really mixed up.  If you're a little girl, you're dressed in frilly little outfits and huge bows are plopped on your head.  Little girls have parties at the spa and sip sparkling cider.  Little boys are dressed in athletic apparel and encouraged to kill animals with whatever resources they have, and, if you live in the south, drive a tractor or a race car or some other form of dangerous automobile.  So, in our (and our children's) early years we're given this signal:  girls, sit pretty while the guys are rough and tough and provide for us.  However, as we grow older, we're told:  be tough, be prepared to take care of yourself and be a strong woman, you don't need a man.  So, I'm guessing most of us (at least I know I do) try to find balance in all of this chaos.  So, I'm going to wear pink every now and again, spritz on some body spray, own a substantial amount of high heels while I also raise the kids, clean, cook and, at the same time, I'll race to the top as a strong-minded, success-driven, hard-working provider.  So, what have we become, girls?  We've become the man AND the woman.  Don't get me wrong, please.  I take great pride in and enjoy the comfort of knowing that I am fully capable of taking care of myself and my offspring.  And I am very thankful that I was encouraged, early on, to be able to take care of myself if I had to...But let's get back to this manimony business.  Really, guys?  There are women out there that are working, taking care of the kids, running a household, AND paying their ex.  I can't help but wonder if the women of the olden days (and some of the trophy wives of today) were smarter, in some ways.  I mean, I've never hear of women of the 1950's paying manimony.  Guys out there: don't worry, this isn't a "let's sit around and bash the boys" blog.  If you're on top of your game and aren't planning on being with a woman so that she can support you AND be an apron-wearing pin-up girl, you'll be ok.  However, if you are the opposite, heed my advice (or whatever else you want to call it):  If you want us to be the man AND the woman...well....what exactly do we need you for?

Let's solve this here economy problem

It's pretty obvious that if you leave the house these days, you will overhear someone talking about the economic crisis and how ridiculous it is that the president gets paid so much.  Now, I don't want to spark a controversial conversation, since politics have never been my thing (though I AM pretty darn good at always giving very non-direct answers when asked a question),but hear me out.  I think I have this so-called crisis figured out.  Okay, the more responsibilities you have, the more you get paid, right?  So, I'm going to give the office of the president a "pass" on this one.  I mean, being the leader of the free world seems like a pretty big responsibility.  However, if the president and  a few other politicians took, like, two furlough days that would be great...ok, I'm going to move on to the person that sparked my interest in such a blog.  Let's talk about Snooky and the Jersey Shore folks.  I keep reading all over facebook that she makes $100,000 per episode.  What the?!  Now, if this is true, something IS wrong with this picture.  Now, I enjoy watching these over-tanned, under-dressed bunch of hot messes just as much as the next person, but that is ridiculous.  My good friend, Trey, had a somewhat valid argument in that this will probably be the only shot they will ever have at making money and after the show is over, they will be over as well.  But, my thing is this: find a real job like the rest of us have to!  So, let's do this: Let's subtract at least $50,000 from each cast members' pay per episode.  Look a-there, we just hired a few teachers that may prevent children front doing flips while wearing no underwear on national television.  So, imagine all of the celebrities that make, like, $1 million per movie (don't get me wrong, I love watching great movies and know acting isn't the easiest thing to do)....couldn't we "furlough" them a few days?  Also, I was trying to enjoy a fashion magazine today and couldn't help but notice that there were a FEW things that seemed a little overpriced.  For example, there was a wallet chain that costs $2,000.  A silver wallet chain with some plastic beads on it.  Do people even still wear wallet chains?  And a simple cotton dress that was well over $1,500.  First of all, that dress used about two yards of fabric, which most likely was less than $15 per yard.  If the fabric was more than that, it was way overpriced, as well.  Yes, it was a cute dress, but....really?  I'm just saying, it seems like our pay pyramid is a little out of balance.