Wow. Sometimes you just HAVE to say it. "Wow". I had a "wow" moment today and many unanswered questions lingering in the back of my mind were answered. I'm no genious, but there are a few things that I am certain of. One: You should NOT wear lipgloss with your hair down on a windy day. Two: Your education and beliefs can't be taken from you by any human being. Three: relationships post-college are NOT easier or any less complicated.
I read, once, in an article that "if a man makes you cry once, like seriously cry, it will happen again". Girls, I have found through trial and error, the hard way, that this is indeed true. I'm telling you this but I know that, if you are a girl, you will not heed my advice and find this out by trial and error yourself. Also, I read that if "the shear thought of [someone] makes you cry" that they are WRONG for you. Trial and error.
Are we ALL creatures of trial and error? Is this the nature of our design and it's just an extra feature that makes a little bit tougher?
Be as it may that I have been a gal that has found a few things out the hard way and by trial and error, I'll help all you other ladies and gents out there by composing a list of..umm.. we'll call them guidlines.
JoJo's Guide to Surviving Everyday Life as a Chick and How to Be a Guy Without Receiving a Roundhouse Kick to the Throat
~If something smells bad, go the opposite direction. You can apply this to many situations. Discuss...
~If you call someone between the hours of 12:00am and 6:00am (First of all, if you're calling in between these hours you are probably
suspicious of something) and the phone goes directly to voice mail, the phone isn't dead, hunny. Move along.
~If he/she ONLY calls you between 12:00am and 6:00am, don't answer. Move along.
~If they cheat once, guess what, they'll cheat again. And again. And again.
~If a guy you've never met approaches you in WalMart and says, "oh, I thought you were Jennifer..", he is a skeezeball and will
most likely move forward by sexually harrassing you. You have two options after he says "Jennifer". One: Scream, run, tell the
fake security. Two: Kick him in the crotch, run, tell the fake security.
~Guys, don't try that crap from the previous guideline. You will now get one of those two options.
~You will not pick up a quality future husband/wife at a bar. Say it with me, "I will not pick up a quality future husband/wife at a bar".
~If you answer the door and he says, "are you wearing that?", close the door in his face, call up your girlfriends, and watch a movie.
~Boys. Do NOT Ask Your Ex Girlfriend To Dress Up Really Nice And Help You Make Your Ex Pre-Them Girlfriend Jealous! I hope
they give you a roundhouse kick to the throat and tell you to go (blank) yourself if you do this.
~Girls. Don't ever agree to that crap from the previous guideline.
~Slow and steady wins the race. Fast and furious= crash and burn.
~Boys. Don't ask your girlfriend to dance for your bros. I don't care if she IS a dancer, be it ballet or for a basketball team or on a pole.
If you do, I hope she busts out your knee caps.
~If they treat you like arm candy, they'll throw you away one day for another flavor.
~Goals are important. Have some.
~Communication is important. Communicate. If you can't, move along.
~Walking on eggshells=bad. Move along.
~If you offer someone a cappacino and they respond by yelling at you. Move along, they are a psycho.
~Don't be with someone if they want you to change who you are. Furthermore, don't try to change the other person.
This could go on and on...and on....however, these are the highpoints and hopefully some kneecaps will be spared because of this blog.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Back By Popular Demand!
Alright, I've had a few people in the past couple of weeks request that I update my blog with some new bloggery. Well, my friends, ask and ye shall receive! So, here goes:
Throughout the day, today, I pondered what I should write about...so many things...so much to talk about! Ok, first,I feel as if I owe it to cult members, I mean loyal followers, to explain as to why I haven't been composing for their entertainment these past several months. First of all, I haven't had internet at home for quite some time. And, let's face it, I refuse to blog on my phone because I would definately suffer from some sort of finger/joint damage if I were to do that. Plus, I have got to be the world's worst texter/phone keyboard typist. Second, (even though the first explaination could certainly suffice) I feel like I'm more creative when I'm kinda down in the dumps and, there for a few months, I had kinda found a little niche in my new little self-sufficient, miss independent, settled-into- their-own world. So, I know you're probably asking, "But, JoJo, why are you down in the dumps?" Maybe "down in the dumps" is a strong phrase to use, but the ol' wheels in the noggin' have definately been turning lately. What can I say, I've been on break for two weeks and if I'm not working, I'm over analyzing the crap out of all kinds of situations, rather they're real or completely theoretical.
Ok. Now, a Sex and the City induced analyzation. Let's talk about life's greatest joy. Love. A certain quote caught my ear while I was potatoed-out on Big Red (yeah, I named my couch..so?). Carrie said, "how many great loves do you think you get in a lifetime?" I don't know why, but I thought this was a great question and was kinda mad at myself for a hot second for not asking someone wise and intuitive the same question. I mean, what qualifies as a "great love"? Does it just have to be romantic love? I mean, I don't think so. I've heard people complain before that people just throw around the "L" word, making it useless. Ok, ok, I can see where saying things like "I love carpet...I love lamp..." could diminish the meaning a little...Anyway, back on track..Ok, here are a few examples of what I think are Great Love moments: when you realize there HAS to be a higher power, holding hands with your college sweetheart in a public movie theater, trying to sneak a "first kiss", holding your newborn baby for the first time, or simply accepting someone for exactly who they are.
I know this may seem completely random, but I promise that what I’m about to bring up has a point. I cut my finger on a piece of tin foil the other day. One. Hundred. Times. Worse. Than. A. Paper. Cut…That seems like a pretty good metaphor for love, don’t you think. Tin foil, that is. Think about it. When you find it, it just encircles you. Sometimes, it’s the really good kind that’s strong and lasts a while. Sometimes, it’s the cheap food lion brand that crumbles up really easily. And sometimes it provides you with the worse pain you’ve ever experienced in the form of a tin foil style paper cut.
As I wrap this nonsense up, I’ll leave a few thoughts. 1)I’m not quite sure how people blogged before the internet (oh, wait, I think they actually wrote with pens and paper) 2)Sex and the City is a fairly good representation of the plethora of questions that people have about relationships with other members of the human race 3)You should have many Great Loves, whether they be spiritual, family oriented, friendly, romantic, or all the above!
Throughout the day, today, I pondered what I should write about...so many things...so much to talk about! Ok, first,I feel as if I owe it to cult members, I mean loyal followers, to explain as to why I haven't been composing for their entertainment these past several months. First of all, I haven't had internet at home for quite some time. And, let's face it, I refuse to blog on my phone because I would definately suffer from some sort of finger/joint damage if I were to do that. Plus, I have got to be the world's worst texter/phone keyboard typist. Second, (even though the first explaination could certainly suffice) I feel like I'm more creative when I'm kinda down in the dumps and, there for a few months, I had kinda found a little niche in my new little self-sufficient, miss independent, settled-into- their-own world. So, I know you're probably asking, "But, JoJo, why are you down in the dumps?" Maybe "down in the dumps" is a strong phrase to use, but the ol' wheels in the noggin' have definately been turning lately. What can I say, I've been on break for two weeks and if I'm not working, I'm over analyzing the crap out of all kinds of situations, rather they're real or completely theoretical.
Ok. Now, a Sex and the City induced analyzation. Let's talk about life's greatest joy. Love. A certain quote caught my ear while I was potatoed-out on Big Red (yeah, I named my couch..so?). Carrie said, "how many great loves do you think you get in a lifetime?" I don't know why, but I thought this was a great question and was kinda mad at myself for a hot second for not asking someone wise and intuitive the same question. I mean, what qualifies as a "great love"? Does it just have to be romantic love? I mean, I don't think so. I've heard people complain before that people just throw around the "L" word, making it useless. Ok, ok, I can see where saying things like "I love carpet...I love lamp..." could diminish the meaning a little...Anyway, back on track..Ok, here are a few examples of what I think are Great Love moments: when you realize there HAS to be a higher power, holding hands with your college sweetheart in a public movie theater, trying to sneak a "first kiss", holding your newborn baby for the first time, or simply accepting someone for exactly who they are.
I know this may seem completely random, but I promise that what I’m about to bring up has a point. I cut my finger on a piece of tin foil the other day. One. Hundred. Times. Worse. Than. A. Paper. Cut…That seems like a pretty good metaphor for love, don’t you think. Tin foil, that is. Think about it. When you find it, it just encircles you. Sometimes, it’s the really good kind that’s strong and lasts a while. Sometimes, it’s the cheap food lion brand that crumbles up really easily. And sometimes it provides you with the worse pain you’ve ever experienced in the form of a tin foil style paper cut.
As I wrap this nonsense up, I’ll leave a few thoughts. 1)I’m not quite sure how people blogged before the internet (oh, wait, I think they actually wrote with pens and paper) 2)Sex and the City is a fairly good representation of the plethora of questions that people have about relationships with other members of the human race 3)You should have many Great Loves, whether they be spiritual, family oriented, friendly, romantic, or all the above!
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